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<title>There is No Shame in Mourning by TheRisingValkyrie</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949311">There is No Shame in Mourning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRisingValkyrie/pseuds/TheRisingValkyrie'>TheRisingValkyrie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Sort Of, The Chantry (Dragon Age), after Leandra's death, but they care for each other, mutual feelings, unwelcome feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 08:41:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRisingValkyrie/pseuds/TheRisingValkyrie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>‘You have my heart and support,’ Sebastian said delicately. ‘You may cry if it will help you to feel better. There is no shame in mourning, please, remember that.’</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Male Hawke &amp; Sebastian Vael</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>There is No Shame in Mourning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am not a native English speaker. My level of English is rather good... I think, but the point is I've never written  fiction, so this is my first expirience.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Hello, Garrett’. </p><p>‘I thought you rejected me,’ Hawke answered with bitterness but regretted it immediately. He bit his lip and sighed. Sebastian fell silent so Hawke continued, ‘I’m sorry. I’m just… angry, I think.’</p><p>They had that conversation not so long ago, just before the murder. Sebastian had confessed that he had certain feeling, deep and caring, but he was a Brother of the Chantry and he could not afford to answer with reciprocation, not to a man.  </p><p>Hawke didn’t look at him feeling ashamed now.  He sat on his bed silently holding his head low. He felt as if he was going to burst… and empty at the same time. </p><p>Sebastian approached slowly. Hawke saw the toes of his shoes. </p><p>‘I understand. And I am here because I care for you. I wanted to express my condolences,’ he said, the voice as calm and gentle as it had always been when Sebastian had thoughts about the Maker in his mind. ‘I am sorry for your loss, Garrett.’</p><p>Sebastian could really understand him. He had lost his whole family too. The thought was comforting but Hawke still felt alone. </p><p>He lost everyone. He couldn’t save them. He couldn’t save his brother, his sister and now his mother was dead. The funeral took place earlier today and Hawke was absolutely devastated. Sebastian had been there, in the Chantry, and Hawke had felt his gaze again and again. </p><p>‘Thank you,’ Hawke managed to say finally. </p><p>‘Would you like me to stay with you?’ Sebastian asked. Hawke didn’t dare to look in his face but he glanced at his hands and chest. Sebastian was not in his usual armor but in male clerical clothing, the same he had been in during the funeral. </p><p>‘If you have time,’ answered Hawke quietly. </p><p>‘I always have time for my <i>friends</i>.’</p><p>Sebastian sat near him, calm and silent, and his presence only was enough to feel comforted. Sebastian reached out his hand offering touch and Hawke took it in his hands, squeezed and leaned to it. He bowed and pressed his forehead to cool fingers. Despite Sebastian being an archer, his hands were soft and smooth.</p><p>‘Could you say something?’ asked Hawke practically voicelessly. ‘Something. I don’t know…’</p><p>‘You mother walks with the Maker now. But it is no shame for those who left behind to mourn,’ his voice was gentle. Everything about Sebastian was gentle, and caring, and so pure. Hawke was afraid to touch him but he couldn’t help it. ‘Every soul has a place at His side. When your grief fades, it will be easier to accept it.’ </p><p>Hawke shut his eyes, they were wet. He wanted to cry but he didn’t feel vulnerable. Not with Sebastian at his side. He didn’t feel shame for being weak and tearful either and it was liberating. </p><p>Sebastian would never judge him for weakness. </p><p>‘You have my heart and support,’ he said delicately. ‘You may cry if it will help you to feel better. There is no shame in mourning, please, remember that.’</p><p>Garrett broke.</p><p>He hid his face in his palm while holding Sebastian’s hand in his free one.  </p><p>‘Was it my fault?’ he asked helplessly. He needed someone or something to blame. The easiest way was to blame himself for everything that had happened. It didn’t help but it felt… right. </p><p>‘It is not your sin,’ Sebastian answered with so much tenderness that it felt almost painful. ‘You are not to blame for your mother’s death. The only one who deserves it is that mad person who did it. </p><p>‘You said that every soul has a place at the Maker’s side. Does that man have it?’</p><p>Sebastian was silent for a quarter of a minute and then he said, ‘It is not for us to decide. Only He can do it.’ </p><p>Garrett felt empty again. He didn’t know what he had wanted to hear. </p><p>‘Can I?..’ he didn’t finish just moved and leaned down to rest his head on Sebastian’s laps. He wasn’t against it. He continued to allow Garrett to hold his hand and touched his head with the second one. Garrett sighed and closed his wet sore eyes. The tears didn’t stop. Garrett couldn’t cry openly and loud, it just wasn’t his way. It was easier to be soundless. </p><p>Sebastian held him without questions and words, and some time later, when the silence became too heavy, Garrett asked, ‘Could you sing something?’</p><p>He had heard Sebastian sing in the Chantry. It was beautiful and peaceful. Garrett had never been a faithful man back in Ferelden but here, in this new shaky life, he found serenity and peace… maybe not in the Chantry itself but in one particular Brother. </p><p>‘Yes. What of the Chants do you want to hear?’</p><p>‘Any.’</p><p>So Sebastian sang.</p>
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